Back to the Hospital

I was at her house last week. I know that what I saw and felt a that time will forever put a mark on my consciousness.

I went to her home, because the husband wanted to have an IV on her. She was having a difficult time with breathing. What I didn't know what that she was already very dehydrated and had not eaten much for days. Her O2 sat was falling to less than 90%. She was definitely in respiratory distress.

And during all this time, her 2-yr old kid was so happy and oblivious to what was happening to her mother. He was giving her toys and stuff, giggling while her mother was leaning on a chair and gasping. It was like a, pardon my euphemism, Hallmark moment.

At the back of my mind, I started asking myself why am I in this situation, and why am I so much affected? Is this what it meant to be a doctor? Is the suffering of one part of a healer? Did the Hippocratic Oath mentioned anything on suffering?

I remember when I was in med school and my professor once told us to try being objective and impersonal so that judgement will not be affected with emotions. But how can this be? Anyone will be affected whether we like it or not.